It has been quite awhile since I’ve written a proper update. Going through the site, I now realize I haven’t written one since September 23, 2012. It’s currently January 24, 2013. Four months.
In short, I’m in limbo. Not lost. Not in a state of futility. Rather a state of regeneration and gestation.
Unlike a number of people who publicly write about their experiences in Thailand and South East Asia, my time spent there did some damage both to my self esteem and my view of humanity. Damage had I realized was occurring to the extent that it was, when it was, I would have departed earlier. The way I choose to live my life, intensified by being a female traveling alone contributed to this all. I have an aversion to commercialism. Something in me generally recoils or tunes out when I’m around it, so rather than think, hey, look, this is where all the tourists go! And make my way there, I think, hey, look, this is where all the tourists go! Possibly hang out for a short time, then quietly turn my back and follow my own devices. I’m drawn to the unknown. The cumulative affects of living this way, alone, in the developing world has left me a great deal to ponder these past four months.
Nonetheless, the question that remains is, where to next? By where, I mean country. I now have a better understanding of how my choices as a female carry more gravity regarding personal safety than men who travel alone. I knew it before, but not to the extent that I do now. Like it or not, this is my reality. As a result, the answer right now is, I don’t know. I’m back in the West two years earlier than anticipated.
So here I am writing you from my birthplace of Windsor, Ontario, Canada on an early Thursday morning, pondering, dreaming. I visited my former city of residence, Toronto, for the month of October to realize my perspective of the city had changed. Toronto is different than it was in its own right and what remains between me and it, is disconnect. I can foresee myself moving to Toronto in the spring, perhaps to stay for the remainder of 2013, perhaps for less, as I’m also considering Peterborough, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. The months of February and March will determine where I’ll settle for awhile, but it doesn’t mean I’ll know for how long.
Perhaps this state of limbo will be beneficial for others as well. During this time I can write all that I can about Thailand, offer all of my advice about traveling there and training muay thai. I can work on my book. Perhaps this flow will continue into following years or perhaps this is all a purging of sorts to make way for new adventures.
Wonderfully, I don’t know.
Thursday, Janaury 24, 2013
Read the next memoir, Why I’m Not Currently Training Muay Thai, here.
Read the previous memoir, Gratitude – Sixteen Weeks Post Thailand, here.
Is there anything compelling you to stay in Canada and explore other provinces? Is the United States just a place to visit in and out?
A cool thing would be to have a solid bulletpoint list of countries or cultural factors of a country, and we(your blog readers) can throw names of countries and play travel agent in a counter-culture fashion.
hey dan!
i’m in need of a breather right now from navigating the developing world as a solo female traveler, which i’m seeing as rerouting opportunity to explore north america. i’m also trying to set foundation with the site that i feel is best done over here – marketing, research, organizing my memoir/deciding whether or not to pursue it, considering other projects to expand what i can offer on the site, etc. i’m in western productivity mode, not island mode, so i’m taking advantage of it. lol! i’d absolutely love to check out places in the u.s. for longer periods of time – i believe being canadian i get six months (i’d have to double check that).
i love your idea about getting readers involved in my plans! it’s in my production folder…when i have a better idea of what i’m looking for, or as next winter approaches (which will probably inspire me to have a better idea), i think i may just use it. thanks!
It’s funny, I often think of Henry Miller having to leave NYC for Paris…to basically be able to write about his previous life in NYC (Tropic of Capricorn). That detail seems quite relevant here, somehow.
–L.
I couldn’t imagine writing a memoir while I’m in the middle of an experience and fighting the same battles every day. I know for me to even consider it and do it justice, in this case at least, I needed to step outside of Thailand and do a great deal of contemplation. I’m still weighing out the option, as the nature of writing one will force me to revisit the past, rather than purely live in the beauty of the present.