I realized after my post Racism in Thailand – A Day in The Life of a White Woman in Buriram went live, that a peek into Thai public and private life between the sexes, as I know it, may be in order. It will give that piece, in addition to many of the pieces here on MBSB some context.
When I speak of Thailand in the piece I’m currently writing you, it is the Thailand I know, the Thailand that is more culturally conservative from, my understanding of, the tourist areas and the culture presented by those Thai nationals who either are literate in a foreign, more specifically Western culture / language and those who have studied overseas. Perhaps when I speak of Thailand and Thai nationals in this piece, I’m speaking of Thai culture, in a more traditional sense. I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the culture of smaller communities / cities in Thailand. Regardless, this is the current culture of Buriram and the culture I have resided in, in one shape or form for a number of years. For when I wasn’t living in Thailand’s North East, which is in many ways culturally distinct from other regions, I was living in areas and spending most of my time with people from this region. Please note, I have been witness to some distinct similarities of views coming from people of other regions.
The following isn’t only born of observation, it is a summation of that also learned through conversations with friends and people I’ve met along the way who are Thai. In my attempt to understand the world I live in, current patterns began to arise. What perhaps I once thought were biases of the individual, or simply, their personal world view, were repeated over time, be it via conversations with other people or the actions of those around me…the pieces over the years are starting to fit together. The following is my attempt to present them to you accurately.
Thai Relationships
This can be really complicated and perhaps deserves a post in itself (let me know if you’re interested please), but for the nature of the topic at hand, I will keep it very simple. Thai relationships in the most basic of terms:
Fen (Thai)
The person you are in a serious relationship with, with promise of a future. For example, a future spouse or your current one. The one you bring to family functions. Your partner in the face of the community.
Gik (Thai)
The person you are in a casual relationship with, with no promise of a future. There is mutual acceptance of this. This is not secluded to being a hook-up for sex, although it can be only that. Oftentimes, giks are treated much like a fen, without the expectation of a future (i.e. family) together, and no esteemed public recognition. I’ve heard people speak of their giks much like Westerners speak of a friend of the opposite sex (where no sexual contact occurs), while with others, it is definitely a romantic and/or sexual relationship. For example, I’ve heard older people say to my married past trainer when we have been in public together, “Oh, you’re with your gik. How is your wife?”. And another nak muay, who is, I believe approximately seventeen say in jest to a trainer, “Laura and I are giks. We hug every day.” (Note, we don’t. Hugging is sort of serious out here, but compared to Western notions of a hook up, his comment, in my opinion, displays what I would consider a certain innocence to the term). I fully understand (or I think I do) the nature of gik relationships when they resemble casual sexual relationships in the West. I’m still trying to figure out the nature of the other ones. Currently, I feel gik is a word used to express what I would consider a number of situations that may not be considered similar in the West. It does not simply mean friend. It does not simply mean person I’m in a casual and open relationship with.
Most pubescent and post pubescent Thais have a fen, particularly those in smaller communities. Some have a fen, some have two, generally those men who have enough money to support more than one woman and/or family financially. In my opinion, I will also extend this to those (male and female) who are cunning enough to have more than one. Oftentimes people will have more than one fen openly, oftentimes not. Men are more open about this whilst women tend to hide the fact. Giks are sort of an added bonus with no longevity. Fluid in a way. One night stands and prostitution don’t fall into any of the two categories.
Public Life / Dating / Being Alone in Any Sense
Again, in the most basic of terms:
Oftentimes Thais will not live in the same city as their fen, even after marriage. This opens up the possibility of having many fens around the country or in many countries. For example, a man from the country may work in Bangkok to support his family. He will have a fen in Bangkok and one in the country. Neither will know of one another. In addition, his wife will generally not have one where she lives (particularly if it is a small community, unfaithfulness in women is frowned upon), but may have one for example, in the city her sister resides in, and where she regularly visits (i.e. Khon Kaen). On the man’s side, he is responsible for giving both women money regularly, on the woman’s she receives money regularly and generally gives her body to her fen(s) (which is almost a direct translation as it has been expressed to me – not my words – the giving of one’s body as an exhange). If the man or woman moves to work in another city or meets a Foreigner….the possibilities are vast.
Note, the above is not uncommon and I’ve heard from a number of people, they would be angry if their fen had another fen, but they wouldn’t be angry should they have a gik. They would only be angry if they found out about them.
Men have repeatedly expressed to me that Thai women are only interested in a man’s money. Women have repeatedly expressed to me that Thai men are only interested in sex.
Being alone, in any sense is uncommon in Thai culture. Many Thais grow up living and sleeping in the same room as their family (i.e. throw a mat on the floor and a mosquito net overhead and everyone get in). When people leave for college or work, you may easily find four people of the same sex living in a small studio room that many people in the West barely see fit for one person. You will see three people sleep in a double bed. You rarely see Thais doing anything social alone, be it shopping, eating, anything really. To be seen alone often elicits suspect or sympathy. A great deal of Thais of every age and sex have expressed to me a deep fear of sleeping alone – they’ve never done it.
What is considered co-dependent in modern Western culture is often the norm of relationships here. It is very normal for a fen to call their fen multiple times a day (i.e. five to ten times). I personally think this is in part due to missing the person and in part ensuring they’re not doing anything on the side.
Men and women typically do not socialize publicly alone (meaning two people) unless they’re together in some sense. If they aren’t, they will be assumed to be. For example, a girl seen on the back of a man’s motorbike is naturally assumed to be in some sort of relationship with him. In addition, for a woman to go out with two men, unless one is her partner of some sense, is considered by many, ‘bad’.
The Stereotype of The White Woman
For a number of reasons, white women are exalted and feared. White skin is the ideal here and white women have the reputation of being as easy as they come, as easy as I can’t even imagine fathomable. I’ve probably said it before here on MBSB and if not, prepare to hear it again, but the best way I know how to put it is that the stereotype of white women is akin to a prostitute you don’t have to pay for. Note, in Thai culture, it is customary for a man to pay a woman he isn’t married to for sex after the fact (this is not prostitution. It actually shows he is a good man and didn’t take anything from the woman. It is a form of respect. An exchange, if you will). White girls don’t even think of this, we give it up for free. This aside from being considered loose means poor men can have sex with us. Sometimes, from what I’ve seen, monogamy seems to be an issue of a man’s finances, not an issue of preference. For example, oftentimes when I joke and ask a man how many fens he already has, or joke that a man is a player, he will exclaim he only has one woman or isn’t a player because he doesn’t have enough money to live life any other way. This isn’t simply a, I don’t have enough money for dinner and a movie claim, there’s much more to it than that.
I have and suspect will continue to speak to Thai women who are married to Western men, who have lived in tourist areas, who have been prostitutes even, who look down on Western women, most notably white women and have no idea about us. The misrepresentation of our cultures, if I can try to bridge them in any sense (as we’re all lumped together out here) continues to leave me in dismay. We may be exalted in our beauty, but far too often for my liking, we are viewed as objects at best, vile excuses of humanity at worst.
So, if you marry little to no understanding of Western cultures, little to no understanding of any cultures not Thai, poor literacy of any language, stories of girls ‘gone off the hook’ in tourist areas, no cultural context of our mass media, poorly translated examples of Western media, with the high amount of Western porn floating around, in the context of which I have already stated in this piece – Western women are fetishised by those that want to have sex with us and deeply feared and hated by those that see us as competition.
And that, really, is just the beginning / the basics. There is so much more lending to all of this.
White, Single and Thai Sized
My physical characteristics:
I’m Caucasian. I’m light-skinned. I have eyes that are sometimes hazel, sometimes green. I have a straight, fine-boned, classically Italian nose. My face is small. My lips are neither thin nor large. They are pink. My hair is a caramel brown with blonde highlights. I’m Asian sized, except possibly my backside.
All of these characteristics are listed because they are considered beautiful in modern Thai culture, less my backside. They are characteristics that have been commented on by both men and women. They are also a reflection of what I see in Thai media (there are no dark skinned models here).
I know men that can’t look at me directly. I know women who smile when they speak to me, but host malice in their eyes. Living in Thailand has helped me identify jealousy in women and shyness to the point of fear in men.
I have been single for most of my stay in Thailand. I’m on almost three years here this trip and I was in a relationship for two to three months (it having ended after I found out he had a wife in the countryside).
Let me put it to you another way. I’m white. I’m considered attractive. I’m more often than not, alone. I eat alone. I go to the market alone. I train in the mornings alone. I get my hair done alone. I do errands alone. I’m on my motorbike alone. I go to festivals alone. I sleep alone….. I know a ton of people here in Buriram, and many are welcoming and will come and talk to me, I have people I can rely on, but for some reason, I don’t have a tight friend base that I always hang out with. Guys I know seem to avoid being alone in public with me. Many of them are really shy. Girls generally don’t seem to want to know me more than casually. Some I suspect are also really shy. Some people of course, are just busy and have their own lives and limited time. There are also language and perceived language barriers. There is also the fact I have a demanding training schedule, I rarely drink and have a hard time eating out because of my allergies. I’m sure I can think of a ton of other possibilities…However, in terms of me being a threat, let me explain, let me put it all together for you….
If I go out in public with a Thai guy, specifically alone, it is assumed we are having sex together. Remember, most men are in relationships and the stereotype of white women is that we love to give it up to most takers. In addition, people seem to love to gossip out here. This doesn’t mean I haven’t made friendships with Thai men in Buriram, but those friendships are definitely strained and have their limitations. Let me give you a classic example of a night out for me…
Sometimes one of my Thai male friends will call from a popular club and ask if I want to come hang out. He could be at the bar with a mix of men and women or just men, never with his fen. She lives in another city and she is not from this one. Normally I say yes. He’s a ton of fun to hang out with. Usually he will send another mutual male friend, to come pick me up on his motorbike. This second friend, on each occasion hasn’t gone directly to the club, which is a short drive through the city centre. Rather, he drives outside the city, then comes back in near the club and drives in the back entrance. Once we’re in the club, it’s fine. There is freedom. Outside of it, I seem to have to be hidden. I can ask specifically why he does this, but it doesn’t mean I’ll get the truth. I’ve often thought, no maybe he just likes taking three times as long to get to the club, but there’s that nagging suspicion in my head somewhere that’s just saying, don’t be stupid. His girlfriend lives in another city, but he may have something on the side here. I don’t know. Although my hypothesis may be incorrect, I’m living in a culture that supports it. Should this happen in the U.S. or Canada, I wouldn’t come to the same conclusion.
I have seen a Thai woman bitchslap the man she was with in public for looking at me. I’ve heard women bark at their men for noticing me. There are a lot of instances I suspect to have forgotten. I’m kind of getting used to this.
I have been warned by a kind older couple that should a Thai woman come in my direction looking angry and carrying a glass that looks filled with water, to run. Perhaps she will throw acid on my face.
To some, I’m a threat in a few ways I suppose. They don’t want me sleeping with their men, or worse stealing one from them. Should I steal one, they will potentially lose their financial security, depending on the nature of their relationshp – fen or gik (this can get complicated. So I’ll skip explaining this). They will also have lost a great deal of face in the community (and consequentially so will their man). It seems to be one thing to leave a Thai woman for another Thai woman, but for a Thai man to leave, thus abandon a Thai woman for a Foreigner…I’ve gathered it’s incredibly shameful. Despicable to many. (And on the flipside, fantasized by many. White women are also status symbols for Thai men to sleep with. They tend to provide incredible bragging rights).
In addition, there is also a bit of a culture difference between me and most Thai women I’ve met, this definitely lends to the situation, on my side. We don’t have a lot in common and I find it difficult to relate to most of them. I feel much more comfortable with the men and women old enough to be my mother and seem to be able to make conversation easily with them. Nonetheless, I’m also a threat to some women because I have a fairly good understanding of the culture and am bilingual. Allow me to illustrate…
Thai women who are in relationships with Western men know I can potentially understand what they’re saying on the phone to their ‘ brother’ (often the word told to Foreign men in an effort to hide their Thai gik or fen(s)’s identity) as long as they’re speaking in Thai, and to some degree Lao. Thai women who are in relationships with Thai men but have Western men as ‘friends’ know I can understand what they’re saying on the phone to their ‘friends’ and can tell their Thai fen. I have been in a situation where I was in a group of people and a Thai woman was speaking on the phone to a few Foreign men in the presence of her Thai boyfriend, and he had no idea what was going on.
There are of course people who are outside of this. For example my current gym’s manager, who I suspect isn’t aware of how much I appreciate her. Never once have I felt jealousy emanate from her and a few weekends ago, after going to her sister’s wedding, and after my shoe fell apart, she gave me her pair of heels so I could accompany her husband (who is my trainer), his male friend and a visiting Foreign male to the club. I believe she went home barefoot. To note, her sister lives abroad and married a European whom she met overseas. I suspect this may also lend to her treatment of me. She has a better understanding of what goes on in our countries. She knows I’m not against her. I’m not a threat. Essentially, perhaps she reads me for who she percieves me to be as an individual. She sees me, not a white female Farang.
Not everything is in extremes, not everyone buys into the stereotypes. I’ve done my best to provide the patterns that have emerged over the years to you. In essence, that which if I had known, or at the very least would have considered a possibility years ago, I suspect my time here would have been easier. Some people tried to explain and warn me of some of these things years ago, and ironically at the time, I dismissed what they told me as bias.
As always, please feel free to express your thoughts and experiences.
For Thailand solo travel and safety tips, in addition to Thailand information you won’t find in traditional tourist guides, please visit my post Tips For Women Traveling To Thailand.
Update
MBSB contributor Lindsey Newhall has written a series, The Perils of Dating Your Trainer, taking us deep into her experiences dating in Thailand.
Shama Kern has written a series on Thai relationships from the perspective of a Western man living in Thailand. I highly recommend it.
Thanks for a really interesting read. I am a single female who was travelling and training in Thailand, and I’m now working here as a teacher. I can definitely relate to this article, and it has shone some light on some of the things I’ve observed while living here. For example, I once let a trainer give me a hug, which sparked a massive reaction from everyone else at the gym. I quickly regretted that..
I once started seeing a Thai man, but it ended when I found out he had a girlfriend (who was also a white farang), and I can safely say I wouldn’t go down that road again, for many reasons. The way white women are perceived here, coupled with the fact that the majority of farang men are only interested in Thai women, makes me think that it’s impossible to take relationships seriously over here. I don’t like to stereotype or generalize, but that’s the impression I’m getting after being here for a while.
Thanks Emma.
I completely understand your perspective regarding taking relationships seriously over here. I’ve been single mostly by choice. There are a few reasons lending to this. Those reasons include points you’ve made in your comment.
In regards to your trainer…. I feel for you. I can only imagine…
A lot of your experiences remind me of vibes I have picked up on right here in the U.S.A. I am considered to many to be attractive, on a good hair day, haha.
Frequently I am percieved as a threat by people. I can’t relate to guys my age because they feel too competitive with me. I can’t relate to couples because they percieve me as a threat in some way too.
Amazing how these exeriences you describe ring true with me and my experiences in the West. Almost as if I had written them.
I was wondering, do you think that the Thais who feel jealous animosity for you ever play the ‘plausible deniability’ angle? I mean, if you tried to confront them, to try to get any conflict in the open, they would just claim you are paranoid and read into things too much? I hate that.
No one wants to acknowlege these constant conflicts that go on in human relations on a daily basis. Everyone knows they happen, but no one ever wants to talk about it.
super interesting gabriel. and thanks for bringing that to the table.
in regards to thailand, confrontation of any kind is really frowned upon. even worse, should you react to confrontation. for example, should someone say something, or act in any way that is disrespectful, filled with animosity, whatever, you look worse than they do, thus lose face (and public respect) should you respond with something similar. or even respond at all. you’re supposed to just take it, as i’ve been taught (i don’t know if this extends to the wealthy). i actually have a post coming up on this.
most of this sort of behaviour comes from strangers, in my case. however, i had a situation with a girl that works in the coffee shop in my building and i confronted her on it. the next day, no woman who worked in my building responded if i said hello, no one would make eye contact, anything which is very different than what usually happens. something eventually changed, i don’t know what it was…..but, the girl in the coffee shop no longer, for lack of a better term, fucks with me.
I agree with the stereotypes on western women. It was more than once that I was asked why western women are so easy…
I live in Bangkok so I guess it’s not as extreme as your expiriences. And I tend to think that whenever me and my BF visit his hometown don’t think about me like that, as they should know me by know. At least that’s what I hope. Haha.
I have one addition to your comments about Thais not wanting to be alone, especially sleeping alone. That is that most of them are afraid of ghosts. It is very normal in Thailand that the parents scare the kids with ghost stories if they don’t behave properly, and the entire Thai culture is pervaded by ghosts, even in the temples. Even totally grown up Thais cannot really shake their fear of ghosts. After all, why does almost every Thai house have a spirit house? To please the good spirits and keep the bad ghosts away.
It is interesting for me to read your observations about relationships in Thailand. They are quite similar to what I have seen and experienced here in the last 12 years.
Hey I really love your posts. I’ve had my trainer tell me that it’s “no good” if i talk to other trainers that is not him after training. I train hard, but am also friendly, and like to joke around with the fighters and trainers. What is are the hidden “rules” with women training at gyms in Thailand, and in other social occasions? Is it okay to go to see fights in another city with them, if they invite you…etc..
Also, how do their perceptions of Asian Farangs differ from White Farangs?
Thanks 🙂
hey isa. thank you and great questions!
from my experience, asians are treated with more esteem than farangs in gyms (i’m not using the term asian farang as i’ve never heard a thai call an asian of any ethnicity a farang, which may be indicative of not being considered as much of an outsider as everyone else). this is particularly true, for example, if the owners are chinese thai and the nak muay comes from china, or if the owner has business in the country of the asian nak muay (ie. sends trainers to china or japan). coming from a farang, i think being an asian nak muay has its benefits – enough where there has been discussions between farang nak muays i know, where we’ve questioned it (ie. hey, at your gym does it seem like the asian fighters get preferential treatment?).
i can’t lie here, but my initial reaction to what your trainer told you about not talking to other trainers…..it has made my blood boil. that, from my experience is 100 percent him trying to control you, unless of course you’re at a gym where everyone is extremely dangerous (which i’m assuming is not the case). not knowing the situation fully, my initial thoughts based on patterns i’ve seen over and over and over…..my guess is that he is into you and is staking claim – ie. having you depend on him and your actions (ie not talking to the others) will prove anything he may say to the guys about you (ie. that you like him, that you guys are sleeping together, whatever). be really wary of this. in addition, be wary of what someone like this may tell you is ‘thai culture’. i’ve had people tell me certain things, that i later realized were means of controlling my actions moreso than anything dealing with culture. so, in short, you can absolutely talk to other trainers and nak muays.
in regards to going to see fights in other cities – if one trainer asks you to go alone…it is usually because he is interested in you and will be considered a date and your acceptance will be considered proof you are into him. this can be complicated, and is really dependent on the trainer, but more often than not, if you are asked to go alone with one trainer, it’s usually a roundabout way of asking for a date/sex. it could be completely different, for example, there was a fighter i was friends with at a gym whose wife i knew fairly well. they both invited me to stay at their house in isaan. that’s different, however, if someone at a gym just asks, do you want to come see a fight in my hometown? and isn’t asking anyone else, i’d assume it’s more than friendship (note: it won’t matter if they’re married or have a gf).
not trying to sound negative, but what you wrote sounds creepily similar to things i’ve experienced.
you question about the hidden ‘rules’ for women training in thailand is incredible and i will write a post to answer it within the next few weeks.
i hope this all has helped.
Hey, maybe I can say something more about fen and gik. In most asian cultures (in western cultures too), men are seen as providers and women are seen as mothers of children. So until less than a hundred years ago, in most asian countries polygamy was a norm. A man who was financially well-off would naturally want to marry as many wives as he could because the idea of having a large family was considered ideal. Women would naturally want to find a man who could provide for her, regardless of his marital status. This was not the only way things worked though. Monogamy was thought of as the ideal kind of relationship but with enough money, polygamy was the way to go.
This changed when asian countries started to adopt western laws and polygamy was banned (it should be illegal in all SEA countries).
However, the desire of some men to spread their genes far and wide remains. Thus developed the current situation where a wealthy man may marry one woman and have girlfriend(s) on the side. In this case, the girlfriend is a gik and the wife is a fen. However, when he is dumb enough to marry the gik (who is no doubt madly in love with him), the gik now becomes a fen. So the man now has two fens. Monogamy laws make registering for marriage more than once illegal but the act of having a wedding ceremony twice isn’t. Nice?
I personally know a lot of men (wealthy or not) have giks because they are just horny. I have a friend whose mother used to be a gik but had since ascended to the position of fen after the first wife’s death. I’d heard of men and women who work away from their city of residence have temporary girlfriends or boyfriends. Instead of money, it’s more like a sex in exchange for care kind of thing and it works both ways.
Cheers.
thank you marcl!
Oh yeah, slipped my mind just now. Polygamy is allowed in Indonesia and Malaysia. It’s only practised by muslims. Not sure about Indonesia, marrying more than two wives in Malaysia is only allowed for muslims and not others.
…. hey look, I’m a Thai guy. I wanna take serious relationship with Farang lady.
Not all Thai men were that bad. But to be honest, most good-behave-Thai men are too shy.
A person like me don’t even know where to start. We don’t want just a farang ladies who have lot of sexes.
We need good farang that understand Thai culture as well. I know it’s difficult.
You should have a good education background to meet an educated Thai man.
And you should remember that when you marry with Thais, it’s not just a couple of you.
It’s the whole family you’re married to.
Why? I’ll give you an example. If you were marry me, it’s not only me taking care of you. My parents would do the same as they believe that you’re the true daughter of their family. Contradicted to most Thai ladies with farang guys, most of them have poor education background. They’re good on bed, but not good as a mother of children. Although some Thai ladies would be on a good side, but it’s not over 10%. So that’s why Farang men were f__ked up because of Thai ladies.
Only good Thai men will look for a mother of their sons and daughters. But for those stupid Thai men will look for sex, sex and sex. Don’t mess with them. It don’t deserve your true heart. You wouldn’t find a good guy from pubs or bars in Thailand. Thai men are shy. You should start flirting him even you know that it’s a little bit strange.
Ok, now I’ll be honest with you. Serious relationship with Thai men start from fairness of money. Not all westerners are rich, but many Thai guys are average or below on Thailand’s living standard. But for westerners living standard, you can earn 5 times than we do. Now come the problems, how can we pay for good restaurant you like. Even 10$ a dish is considered as too expensive. Then how can we have a good honeymoon while you were dressing in a beautiful dress but a Thai guy wearing a T-shirt with a sandal? (Of couse, just an extreme example). Love with Thai man : “I have no money for you, but you have all my heart.”
Hi Kane. Thanks for adding to the discussion!
Haha, this article is exactly what I needed to read!
I’m a thai dude in Bkk dating a French-Canadian woman and your observation on Thai woman being particularly suspicious or even threatened towards it is quite apparent even in the capital. I mean we get dirty looks and all pretty much all the time and from all sorts of people (foreign/thai/man/woman).
As for the whole taking care custom here, I think it’s a cultural norm that’s an aggregate effect of being able to provide for your spouse as can be seen from customs displayed in wedding ceremonies where money has to be given to the bride’s family. I don’t think all Thai girls are all about money necessarily but certainly a large portion are too lol.
Keep up the good articles, it’s interesting to hear from a foreign perspective. 🙂
Thanks Theparith! Hope to read more from you on the site. 🙂
OMG!!! laura.. you’re very ugly yourself xD. no wonder not only thai but many us asian man dont want white females.. many white females are ugly in our eyes. be is thai, viet, singaporean even my fellow east asian :p i know because i work with other asian males from different asian country 🙂
ps. Asia is sad for white women and gay white males or black people, but then paradise for your straight old fart useless white dudes 🙂
You sound like quite the catch Ken Tanaka…
Oh btw, Thai dude above me..calm down man..I understand we Thai’s tend to get really hostile towards criticism but if it’s constructive you should listen 🙂
Thanks so much for you post! I’m a white woman who has been living in Sisaket for three months and your blog has helped me gain more perspective on confusing situations. My (Vietnamese-American) husband joined me here a few months ago and we are quite a sight. People constantly tell him he looks Thai and continue to speak Thai to him when he speaks English and I do the talking in my minimal Thai. He says he feels like people are constantly staring at me and overlooking him (he hates public attention anyway). Sometimes little girls stop in their tracks to deeply wai to me, and recently a woman crossed the street just to tell me how beautiful I was. My White co-teacher recently left our school, in part due to loneliness. I now see how wearing my wedding ring when I am alone and frequently referring to my husband helped me gain casual friendships that might have been more difficult for my single, male co-worker to gain (he is part of an abstinent before marriage religion). I am also seeing how people that see us in the street are generally assuming that I somehow landed a Thai guy. We do our best to take the time to explain to people that he is Vietnamese-American.
Sup, I skimmed thru the article and it seems its one of few that shows how hard it can be for a white woman to find a GOOD relationship in Thailand. I am a half thai man . Half black and half thai. I am not attracted to asian looking women but I didnt come to this country 2 find a woman, it was more like a leap of faith drastic rushed situation that was very unfortunate for me to be to have to go thru. As a guy that prefers non asian women or at least non asian looking women as they remind me to much of my mom and her side of the family and also remind me of my annoying ex retail boss’s wife ..nast, I too feel how stupidly hard it is to find a woman I really like physically as well as personality wise. I notice most thai woman have that gold digger mentality, and the ones that seem interested in me physically are almost always asian, kids or to old and ugly for me or even worst. I like white , black, mixed girls , i just am not attracted to full blown asians . Dont get me wrong, i have seen pretty ones, but their type of pretty is not what im looking for and ussualy its fake woman hiding under tons of makeup that happens to make her look pretty , but still not my style. I hope I dont get desperate and lower my standards. The thought of seeing my mom or my old boss’s wife or any of my moms side of the family when i look into a womans eyes……..ewwww. I dont hardly have any money so gold diggers will not be pleased, I am not a sleep around fornicator, so those only in it for sex women wont be pleased and I take Jesus seriously which will scare most women / people away in general. So believe me, i feel dat pain of forever alone without even being ugly.
Peace
My German girlfriend had sex with a young thai guy in our Bangkok hotel room during our holiday, while I was in the cinemas. She wanted this one time experience and enjoyed it very much….the thai did as well and once he had sex with my girl the shy guy turned into a very aggressive guy. He challenged me openly. He became her holiday lover and did not hesitate to live on our holyday bugdet. I had a long discussion with my girlfriend (now wife) and I did not want to loose her anyway. Finally I retreated and accepted the thai’s dominance, who effectively choked any of my resistance. My girlfriend took a second room with him under the same roof and we went out all together over the next weeks of our holiday, the thai guy openly holding my girlfriend and parading her proudly. He knew too well I would not challenge him anymore in the foreign tropical environment, exploiting my total loss of self-confindence. I could feel all the weird views of the expats, not understanding what was going on. Not all thai guys are shy guys. For me it ended all up in a lasting trauma that I had to share my girlfriend with a young resolute asian.
What the fuck
Apart from the article being very en point, analytical and interesting, the comments are equally amazing. “For me it ended all up in a lasting trauma that I had to share my girlfriend with a young resolute asian”, this is hilarious. I hope for your sake Rainer that this story isn´t true?! Sounds to me as this is a bit too open minded for a german relationship, and heartbreaking for anyone!
I lived in Pattaya as teenager with my parents (risky move by them but they had no clue) and this article rang true for me. I know for many who have not lived in Thailand they might be shocked or view you as bigoted but I will link friends to your article in future if they are interested in learning more about this aspect of Thai culture. I used to think the cultural difference were due to have a different non-Abrahamic religion but not so sure now, what are your thoughts?
Anyhow, a great article well written.
Hi Niklah – I don’t hold any opinion as to why the cultural difference exists. I really have no idea why it does. What I find interesting is that to some in the West, discussing the differences and the resulting effects on one trying to navigate the culture, lends to the assumption of bigotry.
I absolutely appreciate your comment. Thanks for adding to the discussion.
Very interesting read 7+ years later.